top of page
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Instagram



A means to an end, a way to get from point a to point b. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but remember that may not always take you where you need to be.

I know not, from whence or where I have come. I know only that I am and I am in all. I can see into lives, and inside thoughts, but I cannot control. I observe. I think of myself as such, the Observer. I feel this is what I am. From time to time, it seems possible that through the strong feelings that I have due to a thought or action of the one I am observing, that I can change an action. This however, could be, only a flight of fancy from one that controls nothing but sees all. Perhaps, I am the river that the philosophers are forever speaking of, the one that you can never put your foot in at the same place. The ever moving coursing reality. I seem to be everywhere. No one touches me and I touch no one, yet in all places at all times I can be.

There is only one friend of mine, if you can call him that. His name is Jason, or that is what I call him, we have never formally met. He seems to be like me in some ways but he can influence things in a direct way that I cannot. I follow him, like a teenage girl follows an idol. He does not know that I exist, yet he is the most fascinating thing to me. Everywhere and when I look things can always be done again, I can watch the landing on the moon a million times in a row, if I choose, I can see the first colony on Mars, or watch the first tomato form, this is just how things are for me, except for the places that Jason has been. When he walks into a room all bets are off, the course that things were to take are altered, once and for good. The extraordinary happens, things that have not been seen before even by the likes of me and for no reason that I can comprehend. Not to toot my own horn, but things that I cannot foresee let alone understand are rare to say the least. He is rare, one might even say unique in the true sense of the word. He is the only one that can do the things he does. For that matter so am I. For I am and that is all I know about me. There are no others like me, that I am aware of at least. Jason may know others, for all I know, but as he seems not to notice that I am here, who can say. Jason has not always been here either, of this much I am certain. Though I am equally certain he would think otherwise. Don’t ask me where this certainty comes from on my part. He has never shown me anything except his ability to change what should follow. He has not always been here though, and I should know, because I have. I am not sure he even knows what he is doing or why. It does not stop him from doing it though. I really wish I could get inside his head. Please allow me try to explain why he is so fascinating to me.

Jason walked through room 431 only a little while ago. I was waiting for him in the chair reserved for overnight visitors in the hospital. I knew he was coming because what was supposed to happen didn’t. The flow of the entirety of every connection, that this man struggling to survive his battle with cancer touched, has changed. His son, Rob, not having lost his dad at a young age, never developed his intense drive to succeed so that first tomato on Mars was never grown. Jason did that. He just walked into the room, ran his hand through the man, then walked right out the window. I tried to follow him but as always he just slipped away.

Then there is this moment where a very interesting guy I was observing from the inside of his thoughts was about to have a very profound moment of clarity that didn’t happen. He was calmly talking to himself. “Have you ever had those moments that you know are real but maybe they just happened in your mind? Like that dream where you need to pee? What about when you thought a situation would go a certain way and then when the reality came it was nothing like you had thought it would be. Then years later you find that your thought of what should have happened is more vivid than the actuality? I wondered what it would be like at the end of a life when it flashes by you. Some people say that you live your whole life again. I wonder if you live your whole life over the way you want it to be and that is what they call heaven. Crazy thing is if you ever find out you never get the chance to tell anyone. If I ever get the courage to pull the trigger to this gun that I put to my head every evening before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up what I find out when the bullet goes in, goes out the other side with it”. What I knew was supposed to happen was that he was going to accidentally find out all those things that he would never be able to tell anyone. I had seen him have this type of conversation with himself for years. Not because I went to him that one time he went through with it, but because I found him to be interesting on other matters and visited him many times.

Jason walks into the room and moves the gun so that he misses and keeps walking.

The bullet intended for his head goes into the wall at the angle of the ceiling. The noise attracts a neighbor, that this guy has never met. He cries into her arms as he explains the noise. They form a bond and soon after a family. It just so happens that she is the daughter of the man that had cancer. Her listless brother and her new husband became friends and eventual business partners creating “manna” the food source of the world! Jason, fascinates me.

I can remember clearly those events in time that I followed, yet they did not occur. All the events that I follow after Jason has been involved become fixed to the course he sets. I can see I need set a few things straight, for those of you that live inside of time.

This is the way it works, for one such as I. Every possible scenario is available for me to view, I can follow the chain of events forward and backwards. I am fixed only by the person I am using to observe. Think of a concave lens touching a convex lens each at the center. )( The point at which they touch is the part of time I am currently observing. If I were to move backwards or forwards along any different vector the possibilities change as I move. You can think of this like a line that extends forever in either direction from the point at which the two lenses meet. That then, is the present moment of time I am currently viewing. When Jason has made no changes or movements, then I am free to explore whenever, wherever, with whomever I wish! If Jason has been involved, then many, many, many, possibilities are cut off. I can no longer view a past that would not lead up to the moment that he got involved! There are no more futures that do not represent the one that he set in motion!

I can see that did not clear things up for everyone. Perhaps, I should just continue to tell you the story of this family that now has a more direct path, a sort of straight line through time, thanks to Jason.



Finding the beginning is a strange concept for one that moves outside of what you call time.

I have been sidetracked by so many interesting things!

You won’t believe where Jason seems to have started his, “stroll of destiny”, as I have come to think of it. It was such a minor thing that I almost missed it. Jason’s first foray into the lives of this very strange family seems to have occurred in what you might think of as Pakistan just after Alexander and his Macedonian army conquered it defeating King Porus. Having watched many possibilities from this turning point in the time of Alexander, I know the city Jason choose and its people well, even if not his exact reason for choosing it. Knowing this point in time so well is how, in fact, I was able to find this change. It is now stuck in history that Alexander won the battle, spared the kingdom, and even allowed Porus to continue to rule as well as helping him conquer and rule the next kingdom over! Quite remarkable in and of itself. It is also well known that Alexander loved beautiful things and Porus was generous with his gifts. It was through one of these gifts that I was able to find the little thing that Jason changed.

Arsam, the old majordomo had been gone for days leaving Sura and her maid as the only inhabitants of the house aside form the kitchen of course, but Sura never considered them part of the house if she considered them at all. She had heard the news of the loss by King Porus to these, if the rumors were to be believed, pink men. She had wept and prayed for her father and brothers, it was during the mourning time that Arsam left. Sura had been sending out the maid alone to get news of the city since that time. So, again, if the rumors are to be believed, the king of the pink men allowed Porus to remain on his throne and they are now allies! There is to be a feast in the city to honor the occasion and the two armies are even now making camps on the plains. Sura had been bathing in the garden pool daydreaming about the coming feast and praying that with the return of the army it would mean the return of her father and brothers as well.

Stepping out of the pool naked and clean shining with the water on her body in the sun she looked to the dressing table for her robe. The silly maid had forgotten to put it in reach, silently cursing Sura, walked around the garden looking for her robe and not finding it or anything at all to cover herself with in the garden!

“Dasi!” Sura screamed as she got back in the water, “Dasi!”

“Swamini?” The maid asked as politely as she could.

Sura, once again got out of the pool and walked naked and dripping to where the robe should be and gave the maid a look without saying a word. The maid registered the problem but was very confused as she had placed the robe on the divan before she went to prepare the dressing room. Knowing better than to question her mistress she apologized. Running back to the house and quickly returning with a robe.

“It seems with all of the excitement we are all prone to loosing our heads.” Sura said to her maid as she wrapped herself in the fresh garment. “I wish to be properly dressed for the feast, with Arsam gone we can not be certain when I will be called to attend my father at the Palace.”

“Yes, Swamini. You will be the most beautiful jewel in the crown. I have everything you asked for ready for you.” The servant told her as she moved out of her mistresses way.

Just after Sura had placed her final jewel in her hair a man arrived at the front gate announcing that Sura should come with him to the palace and prepare for the feast of King Porus in honor of Alexander King of Kings. The man was dressed as a royal herald and had two guards with him as well as a litter. Sura went out and got in the litter knowing better than to lower herself by speaking with the herald. The way to the palace was short yet the time it took to arrive seemed to stretch forever. Sura, could not imagine why her father would not come to her himself or at least send someone she would know or her brothers. The fear that they had died in battle or were gravely injured gripped her as she was lead from the litter to the palace garden of the women. She was too afraid to speak out, to ask any of the other women there what was happening. Thankfully, they were not left alone for long. The Majordomo soon arrived and explained the situation.

“I would like to welcome you all. As some of you may know but others may not, you have been brought here at the request of King Porus, now Satrap of Alexander. Your fathers died in glorious battle defending the King. You are to be presented to Alexander in honor of your father’s bravery. The great king shall decide your future at that time.” That was all he said before turning and leaving them in their fear and grief.

It has been three days since the feast where Sura was given to Alexander, who subsequently gave her to Seleucus. Sura had only seen her new master on that one occasion having since been in his harem tent. She had learned that he was a distinguished warrior that was instrumental in defeating the elephants of king Porus. Now, having been informed that she would be expected to attend the dinner that evening she hoped to learn more about him.

Sura waited patiently behind Seleucus as he and his friends ate and drank wine. She did not understand what they were saying but had been able to find out that this would be the last chance to make an impression as they would soon be on the move. There was an announcement that a countryman of Sura wished to make a present to Seleucus as well as a request.

A well dressed young man with the markings of a jeweler walked into the tent and presented Seleucus with a beautifully crafted ruby ring. Seleucus was well pleased with the gift and asked the young man why it was being given.

“Honored Sir, I give this gift in order to gain your favor in a proposal.” Said the young man, presenting a jeweled box finely carved from ivory. “I hope that you will look with favor upon a trade of my most precious possession in exchange for a young woman that has recently come to you. She was a gift to Alexander from Porus and from Alexander to you, my greatest wish is that you will accept this and allow her to become my wife.”

Seleucus, looking over the beautiful box smiles as he responds, “A box no matter how beautiful is little compensation for a gift directly from the hand of the King. I can see a way that I may be persuaded however, I will take this box to Alexander as a gift. If he finds it pleasing, then you and your new wife will follow along with the army and you will become my personal jeweler in the court of Alexander. Is this acceptable?”

“I had hoped for a simple exchange, but will be grateful for the chance of having my hearts greatest desire fulfilled.” Said the young man.

Sura, being able to follow this exchange through the interpreter was in shock and horror! How could this lowly jeweler presume to know her at all! She had certainly never seen him before, but he could only be speaking about her.

A very short time later she and her husband were on their way to wherever this army might go.

Did you catch what he did? Poor Sura! The young woman was just bathing in her pool preparing for the festivities that would soon take place to honor Alexander. That crazy Jason moved through the garden and removed her robe that had been set out by her maid. Not only that, he took everything that she could cover herself with and disappeared. That was it! That’s all he did, yet it changed the course of two lives irrevocably. I’ll keep looking out for all the possible changes that this might have altered, but so far it seems to have only really changed these two.

As you know, I was only able to find Sura because when Jason changes something it closes off billions of other possibilities from that point leaving a sort of hole for me to find. Full disclosure though, the further away from the event we go the more tangled things become again.

If you find yourself wondering who the other person is whose life was irrevocably altered, it was of course the jeweler. A very curious thing happened when I tried to go and see through this young mans eyes. I wanted as I am sure you want, and as Sura certainly wants, to find out what brought this young man to act as he did in order to have Sura become his wife. I found that before Jason made his change this particular possibility was extremely unlikely to occur. When I attempted to go inside his head in order to observe this bit of curiosity and find some more clues connecting what Jason might be doing, an even more curious thing happened. I was not able to enter his mind! This has never happened! Being everywhere and when at the same time, I only have to focus to see things from a specific point of view, yet it seems I was not there. Remarkable twist, I wonder if it is also connected to Jason? I would love to know if this is only a one off type of thing but sadly I have no way to know where I am not, as I have never not been there. Have you ever tried to prove a negative? It is a daunting task to be sure.

So if this search does not lead to any answers I will move us along to the next moment my friend Jason gets involved. He, after all, is the one that makes this all so fascinating!


Looking for evidence of one altering time irrevocably, when that one operates outside of time is both annoying and thrilling!

I have occupied myself with following the time lines of the newlyweds and their progeny. Finding that soon after they were married, as they were traipsing through the Gedrosian desert on their way back to Babylon before the thirsting and starvation started, I was back inside of the husband and able to see through his eyes and know all his thoughts.


You would not believe it, but, he had no idea where he was or how he got there! The time that I was not in him it seems that he wasn’t either. I know it was not Jason that took over this poor souls body and mind, Jason was busy moving the clothes of Sura at the time. So what did happen? I don’t know! Isn’t it wonderful! This means that not only is Jason out there doing whatever Jason’s do when not altering the universal paradigm, but there is also some other force or being that is also able to effect me directly.

You cannot imagine how much this discovery means to me. Since before time all the way until after time, there has only been Jason that I was not able to access. Only Jason, that came into being in the middle and started meddling. Now, to find that there might be more that I don’t know is just, well, fascinating.

After Sura was able to explain all that had happened to him during the time he was blank, the two started to have a much more harmonious union. They laughed about all of the ridiculous things he had said and done, and did not remember. I believe it was the strength of this new found love for one another that helped them to survive that desert crossing that took the lives of so many before the ordeal was at an end. It should have been able to go many different ways but the effects of Jason’s meddling, (and whatever this other force is that can lock me out as well, for all I know), they continued on the only path that existed for them. They finally settled in Babylon and witnessed the death of Alexander. They became upstanding members of the merchant class after putting the final touches on Alexander the greats, great funeral transport that was meant to take him all the way back to Greece in a long procession through lands he conqured. They were respected and gained more respect with the birth of each son. Sura was the proud mother of five strapping young men at the time of her death. Four of these son’s stayed in Babylon and had rather dull lives. None of those four had a lineage that spanned more than a few generations. The middle son, however, ventured off to Alexandria the place where Alexander's body eventually came to rest. He started off as an artist but ended up as a grain merchant. He married but had no children with his wife, but he had five sons with his slaves. The middle son became a soldier after being recognized as his father’s legitimate heir. He too had five sons again only the middle son’s children continued to have a longer legacy no matter which path I followed.

There seems to be a pattern that emerged after Jason altered that very first course. There are many different possibilities available, as I explained before, the further we move from a Jason event, the more tangled things become. I have decided that the course to follow is the one that endures. This pattern of five sons and only the middle son leaving a lasting legacy is the only one that holds. It is the only thread that seems worth following as we wait for the next Jason event. So far there have been no other black out events as occurred with Sura’s husband or any other Jason events. Only this pattern. Since only this pattern makes the original Jason event seem relevant we will continue to follow it.

The middle of the soldiers five sons taking over the grain enterprise with his oldest brother after the other three died, was again the adventurous one. He moved to Rome, the capitol of a growing empire and the largest market for the grain. He had his five sons the middle one becoming a Roman citizen. He used the family wealth and his citizenship to full advantage positioning his only surviving son, the middle of five boys, to become a senator! The senators father retiring on the island of Sardinia where the bulk of his shipping empire was stationed. The senator had many children, eighteen in all, five of which were boys, two of which were legitimate and both of those were girls. The mother of the middle son moved with the blessing of the Senator to Sardinia where the boy became the heir to the grandfathers shipping empire.

I thought for sure Jason would show up and change everything after there was a Roman senator in the line, but he is a curious one indeed! Here they stayed for some time. The linage carrying on in the same pattern on this island in the Mediterranean sea. They had their ups and downs for the next 1000 or so years. Then it happened. Jason stepped in just as the pattern of five sons was broken.

This was a bit of a down time in the long history of this family that traced back to Sura. They were now sheep and goat herders on ancient family land in the hills that boasted a modest vineyard and olive grove as well. This family had five children, a girl of fourteen followed by three boys and another girl. The oldest girl was to be married and the man taking her to her soon to be husband was sitting in the shade of an ancient olive tree eating breakfast when it happened. Jason moved a butterfly onto the table just as the youngest boy David was coming back from the night shift of goat watching. David walked up to the table to greet the men and take some food. It was just as he reached for the bread that the butterfly, fluttered up and landed on top of his perfect nose drawing the attention of the guest.

I looked into the the thoughts of this man as he watched the smiling boy with the butterfly on his head. He got the idea that this beautiful boy could be profitable if he could talk his father into "selling" him. Technically the young boy would have a paid apprenticeship, but the father would get the money.

Trust me when I tell you that this idea was not in the mans head before Jason moved that butterfly! So it was that the line of five was broken by a butterfly and I still don’t know why. It also seems as if I must untangle the mess and try to find the thread I should follow now that will lead me to next time I can catch a glimpse of my Jason.


I know I have said that we would just be following Jason. We are, from a certain point of view, but I cannot tell you only about those things and have this make any sense for those of you that are challenged by time. I will have to go back and explain a few things for your benefit.

The movement of that butterfly closed a billion doors!

It also opened just as many!

Before, when Jason has intervened to alter things, I observed that there were in fact fewer possible outcomes to follow. The butterfly was always a possibility but the likelihood of it taking place was so small, the act so insignificant that I never bothered to follow it before. Once it happened the world you, dear reader, take for granted came into being.

David is the key it turns out.

Oh, what a life this man led! I won’t go through it all in detail but some of the highlights are inadvertently modeling for Michaelangelo, which in turn saved him from being killed in the quarry accident. That meant that Leonardo di Vinci stayed in the North when he otherwise would have died in Rome! David then went on to become a traveling merchant visiting all the courts of many lands. He also became quite the cade, fathering children with married ladies of courts throughout Europe and the near East. You, as you read this, will have no knowledge of David. He was not deemed important by those that wrote the history you know. Yet, without David and his many offspring filling the halls of power throughout much of Western Europe and the change of the Ottoman Empire that they brought at just the right time, well, the diversity of the world as you know it would not exist!

When the butterfly first moved and the idea sprang into the head of the that merchant messenger, all of those possibilities suddenly slamming shut and so many more suddenly springing into very clear focus was astounding! Perhaps I will tell you in detail all that occurred with David when Jason’s destination has been reached. It is amazing to think that those two artist remaining alive, somehow, gave the right impetus, to the right people, at just the right moment, in order to hold off the Ottoman conquest. That allowed these children of David scattered throughout the world to grow up and make the Western world as you know it today.

Now, back to Jason.

He did not make another move until one of the distant offspring of Sura, by way of David, had blundered his way to Australia curtesy of the English crown that saw fit to have him removed from sight this way, instead of his head removed in a different way. As the lineage tends to do, he survived, married, and started a family. He had acquired a small sheep farm two years before his son was born. He was over joyed at becoming a father, setting about industriously to prepare a prosperous future for him. It was in the middle of the boy’s 16th year in 1840, (for those of you interested in timelines and dates), that the father lost his joy with his son, his wife and his life, all thanks to Jason stepping in and pulling the ear of a dog!

I was simultaneously keeping track of all of the possibilities of all of the descendants of David in order to watch for the next appearance of my only friend, as illusive as he may be. When the possibilities for this one, in far off Australia went to zero, I knew it was him. Tracing it to the exact moment was stranger than you might think. Jason did not even have anything to do with the father. He just pulled on the ear of the son’s dog and ran toward the small lake with the dog chasing him. The son called for his arrant dog to return but the normally obedient creature would not refused. Coming within view of the small lake he stopped as what was also in view was a perfectly formed young woman that had been bathing and washing her clothes. She had come out of the water to chase away the dog that was in the process of soiling her freshly washed garments that were laying in the sun. Jason of course was already long gone at this point, apparently satisfied in his handiwork. The young woman upon seeing the young man retreated back into the water much to the young mans delight. He whistled and his once again loyal obedient companion returned to his side. The young man then proceeded directly toward the young woman stranded naked in the water.

I found this behavior suspect so attempted to see what it was the young man was thinking, and it happened again! I was not in the mind of this young man behaving in such a peculiar manner.

It so odd this feeling, this not knowing. I really do admire all of you, all the more, for continuing on in your lives this way. I have discovered a little not knowing is all I can take. How you all do it every moment of your awareness is impressive, or sad, or both, but not something I would wish for myself.

Sorry, back to the story, yes? I had to just accept this not knowing in any case.

The young man walked to the shoreline where the now dirty clothes lay trodden in the mud, then stopped. There, in the water, was the naked young lady. They each were staring at the other waiting for the other to speak. The mind of the young lady, (that thankfully I was still inside), was racing. Part of her wanted to scream, another part of her wanted to boldly walk back out of the water and kiss this handsome young man.

She knew him as the son of the owner of the farm next to the farm she and her family worked. She had no standing in the world being a half-caste. She was acutely aware of that fact as well when she dropped her hazel eyes from the young man to her soiled clothes on the ground. Still in what seemed like shock, (I have no way of knowing exactly), the young man reached down and picked up her things.

“Looks like you will need to get this stuff clean again. I don’t know what made him do that.” He said gesturing to the dog now perfectly still at his heel. He then handed her the garments and sat down on a nearby stump.

“What’s your name if I may ask?” He asked.

Not really knowing what to do in her state. The lovely young lady had taken her clothes and gone a little deeper into the water for some degree of modesty before replying, “Lily” she said shyly.

“Lily, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” He blurted out with an earnestness that was endearing and absurd in equal measure.

Lily, giggled in the most charming way one can imagine. It is a sound only a young lady falling in love can make. She then turned and slipped on undergarments and proceeded to wash the newly soiled dress.

This started the secret love affair that lasted until it was no longer a secret. Lily was discovered first, by her mother. Her mother warned her of the consequences of such an affair and pleaded with her to “walk off”, or she would surly be killed. This is what Lily did though not as far as her mother would have wished. After hiding for a few days, surviving on love and fresh water, she and her lover had all the plans in place. They were to escape on a boat bound for America and the Gold that the young man was sure would be there. A place where she could pass with her hazel eyes and light skin. A place where they could love and be free.

I could see that this was not a likely plan, possible of course, but not likely. The young man's mother was gravely ill, his father highly suspicious of his son's activities. Enter Jason yet again to steer the course on the line only he seemed to understand.

I caught Jason digging a hole on the morning the young mans mother passed, setting the course about to transpire.

The moment his mother passed, the young lover stormed out of the house, ran into the barn and got onto his horse with a pack already prepared for a journey. His father yelled at him but got no response. The father, at first, dismissed the behavior thinking that it was on account of the passing of the boy's mother. All too soon the suspicion rose up in the father along with his anger. He proceeded to leave his newly departed wife, mother of his only child, lying upon the bed. Rushing to the barn he readied his horse, and at a run, went after his son.

What do you think the chances are that the fathers horse found the hole in the ground Jason had dug?

That’s right the poor animal, as soon as Jason began digging, had no other course available to him. He made a straight line directly to that hole breaking a leg and launching the poor man to his death, his part to play now concluded.

I know what you may be thinking, “Jason, how could you!” Please don’t think too poorly of my friend.

You see before he started digging that hole and creating this one straight line, another possibility was that he found his son with the half caste girl and in a fit of rage mixed with his grief, killed them both. Another, possibility was that the boy was quicker to his rifle and killed his father in self defense never to recover. So, from a different perspective, perhaps, Jason did them all a kindness, and that does not include the horrors that were instore for Lily had Jason not pulled the ear of the dog!

The young couples plan was now perfectly set in place. The young man sold all he could, took all the money he had and his beloved Lily off to Sydney and onto a boat bound for San Francisco. It was five days into this journey that I was once again inside the young man. He lay sleeping at that moment, but, abruptly sat up in a start, this shocked the naked beauty Lily who lay beside him. He was at once confused and mesmerized. They found their way in the end, after Lily slowly explained all that had happened. The voyage became once again like a honeymoon.

Patterns, seem to emerge if you look hard enough, for my part, I am enjoying trying to discern what they might mean!


When our young couple had arrived and settled into rooms the young man went to the claims office to see how he should proceed with his goal of gold.

Jason once again appeared, pulling a paper from the stack of papers and waiting until it was our young mans turn to speak with the clerk.

“I’d like to purchase a claim!” said our adventurous newlywed Australian lad.

“Don’t work like that.” said the clerk looking him up and down

“I read I could stake a claim for a dollar, so long as I worked it?” ventured the young man

“Depends on the camp.” said the clerk saying no more.

“I am newly arrived, you see..” he started

“I do.” interrupted the clerk “Look here young man, almost everyone is as you say 'newly arrived', so here is how it works. You head off with your tools and a mule if you can afford one. Get out in the wild country, see if you can find a dig that seems to be paying for the camp that is sure to be around it and stake your claim according to the rules they have and get to work. The only hard rule is one claim per person and you have to keep it active with the sweat of your labors. Best of luck to you.” Said the clerk before looking past him and yelling “Next!”

A bit distraught, head hanging down staring at his boots, the young man turned to go. As he opened the door a breeze seemed to blow a piece of paper directly under his right foot as it crossed the threshold.

We, of course, know it was no breeze but our good Jason that had placed the paper there. Just exactly where the downward gaze of the young man could not help but light upon it.

He reached down and picked it up and shoved it in the pocket of his coat. The young man then proceeded to find a reasonably busy establishment to purchase a drink before returning to his rooms.

There were a few people gathered around a table as one man was extolling the virtues of being rich and the fortune he had found just laying in the ground! Speaking with the barkeeper and a few of the other patrons that did not seem so interested in the tales emanating from the table with its crowd of eager listeners, our young man duly learned that this was the same spiel that was recited every day and he always had a few fools that would pay him for the location. “He found the real gold rush, selling hot air.” said the barkeeper.

The young man, through the overhearing of tales, and through speaking with other patrons, nevertheless, returned to Lily with all the information one could need to start out on life as a prospector.

It would not take much money for him to be able to gather the necessary things for his new profession and upon learning that women in the camps could cause a great deal of consternation they decided to set about finding a suitable home for her to make while he went off in search of fortune.

They settled on a small house with just enough room to rent out space to boarders and acquired it using almost all of the funds they had been able to raise before their quick departure from Australia.

It was now late Autumn in the year of 1850, though not relishing the thought of setting out in the winter the news that he should hurry back with their fortune inside of seven months if he wanted to be there to greet his first child, spurred him on to the goal.

The goal he had decided was the area of map that had been on the paper he had stumbled upon when leaving the clerks office. It was some 300 miles to the North through wilderness in winter but he would not be deterred.

Two mules and a horse, with the young man upon it, set out and eventually discovered the Yreka canyon. It was a hard few months of winter but as things began to thaw the amount of gold he was finding was beyond any dream.He cursed himself for eating the second mule instead of his horse as there was no way his horse could carry it all.Fashioning two sleds he loaded up all he could and made his way back to Lily, marking on the map the places he had hidden parts of the treasure but managing to keep most of the hoard all the way into San Fransisco.

His daughter was born in the little house where Lily had spent her first winter. Soon after they moved into a rather impressive estate, setting about making enough children to fill the mansion to capacity.

Two generations later and they had spread all over the United States of America.

The third generation out from the arrival of these descendants of Sura and David saw the influence of Jason coming so fast and furious that even I had difficulty in keeping up!

We may have to come back to that place where we seem to have started in this telling, the man that didn’t have cancer, the movement of the gun. The lack of tomatoes on Mars, but the abundance of food on Earth making escape to the stars unnecessary.

I was not inside the son of the man that missed when Jason moved the gun, not ever it turns out. This was, yet again, a new sensation for me, brought upon me by my dear Jason.

I have, however, found his journal. I think, at this point, it is time he told you things from his point of view. It may just clear up a few things for you as it did for me.


To whom it may concern,

You can call me Adam. No, Adam is not my real name. Why should you call me that? Because just like that other famous guy named Adam, the one tempted by Eve in that far away place. I can fuck up paradise. Not only that, I can fuck it up for everyone. This is not a sad sack that is wallowing in self loathing. That is not me. It is just that I have found that through this new spiritual world we are all awakened to that my every move effects everyone else.We are all interconnected! Turns out though that I may not be ready for such responsibility. Sorry. Adam it is, ok?

So now I guess that you want me to tell you why or how I am fucking with all of you. As I suppose that is the purpose of this, hopefully, cathartic diatribe, here goes. Pretty sure that by the end you will probably call me another name that starts with an "A" and is not Adam. What do I care though, you don't even know my name. I should begin at the beginning, but as you are sure to discover, I really don’t know when to say that is. So, I just jump in where the words start flowing, letting them flow out in whatever fashion they choose. Let's see where it takes us, whoever you are.

A musty yellow light came into my eyes as I opened them to a room that I did not recognize. There was no panic, of the kind you get when you wake up in a hotel room on vacation and cannot figure out where you are or why you are there until you are able to come out of that last lingering dream into a state of complete wakefulness. This seemed normal. I did not know where I was but at the same time it was all familiar. More like spending a night in your parents house, in your childhood bed, one that you have not slept in for years but you are perfectly comfortable with it and all that surrounds you.

I however, was not in my childhood bed. I had no idea where I was, just that feeling that all was well. This was the start of another day in life. It is a bizarre feeling to be so lost and still feel so comfortable.

The yellow light was of course the sun coming in from the half open window that had an old plastic shade giving some protection from the bright light it would have been had there been nothing over the window. The lamp was still giving off its small light sitting on the desk across the room from me. I must have fallen asleep with it on. I look to my left and there is a novel on the night stand. I pick it up to see what it was that I had been reading. It is a Conrad novel “In the heart of darkness”. Searching my mind for the plot I cannot seem to come up with anything. As far as I can recall I have never read this book. Maybe, I was going to start it but decided I was too tired? Who knows, certainly not I.

The universal need to pee upon waking comes over me and the mystery of the novel becomes secondary. Slipping out of bed naked I walked over to the chair and grabbed my jeans pulled them on, opened the door to my room and walked down the hall to the toilet. After the necessary was done I once again wondered where I was.

How was it that I knew where everything was without thinking about it? How could I grab my jeans and know which door was the one for the toilet? Walking back down the hall to my room I look up at the other doors and realize that there are numbers on the doors. I must be in a hotel or a hostel with a communal toilet, but I don’t really question anything. I just sort of know it.

Now back in my room I finish getting dressed so I can go out and grab a cup of coffee. I very much want a cup of coffee. Who knows, I might even need one. Maybe a good jolt of caffeine will get the juices to flow and I will understand what is going on. Yet, there is still that feeling that I have done this a thousand times before. The feeling that just says, “All is well, and right in the world.”

A shirt now on my back and shoes on my feet, I again, go out of my door and follow the hallway this time to the exit sign. Down the stairs and then through what passes for a lobby in this dump. Bars like a jail cell between you and the front desk. There were two chairs backed up against the opposite wall from the desk with the bars on it and a dirty carpet underneath it all. Yet, I do not pause as I head for the dirty glass door with the sign reading closed facing me. My feet are just taking me. I am thinking that I want coffee and my body goes. I am on autopilot now. I take a right turn out the door looking down at my feet. As I look up trying to find out where my feet might be taking me I notice the architecture. Grey tops to all the buildings. All of the buildings made of stone. All the windows are large and most have some sort of ornamental bars with enough room to have some flowers on the ledge. Only a few of the ones in my view have such adornments on them. I am the only person out it seems. There is not another soul in sight. I am alone on the street. Even as alone as I am on a street in what must be a city of some sort it does not seem to bother me. I still have that feeling that all is well. I continue on my path. I cross a street and make another right turn.

Halfway down this new street is a little green awning and one table with one chair sitting outside. I walk up to the door without hesitation and grab the golden handle and pull. When I step through the door the first thing that I notice is the smell of cigarettes, which makes me realize that I want one. Reaching into my left front pocket my hand produces a pack with the lighter tucked right inside. The next thing I notice as I put the butt in my mouth is the smell of coffee. Walking toward the little bar I see that just in front of me there is a steaming little cup of espresso. Well, that is why I am here.

I light my butt while taking the next few steps to the bar. The sugar is in little packages in a bowl to my right next to a little pot of cold milk. All is right in the world.

I take a sip of the coffee after I put the right amount of sugar and milk in my cup.

I take another sip.

I take a third sip and it is gone.

Turning from the counter, after this little jolt of caffeine, I have the feeling that something is wrong.

The best thing I can think of is that I need to have another coffee, so I turn back to the bar only to find that the cup I had just finished, is once again full of the black liquid of which I was thinking. It was just there, same as it was before.

The cup was clean. As if it had never been used. Perfect.

I try not to think. I try, only, to enjoy the perfect cup of my desire sitting just in front of me. I take a sip hoping that the feeling that all is right in the world will continue.

After the second cup of perfect coffee, I turn away from the bar to face the world. Nothing faces me back. There is nothing there. The coffee in me I now realize that this is not right. I can smell the perfume of women when I try, even over the smell of the cigarettes. Looking around the bar I find that I am still the only person present.

While I am looking around the place I notice a book on a table. I walk towards the table tossing my smoke to the ground. Just before I pick up the book there is a motion outside the window. I look up and see the most beautiful woman I have ever seen walking on the opposite side of the street naked as the day she was born.

Why is she naked? Why is she the only person in the world that I have seen?

I look again at the book on the table that I had just approached and there she is on the cover. It is a romance novel. The kind of book we all see every day. The kind of thing that lets you know when you are in the supermarket that everything is okay and there she is on the cover. She has on a red dress in the picture I am looking at and in the view from the window she is naked but from the look on her face as she stares at me from both vantage points, it is clearly the same woman.

I run after what, I think, is real.

As I step through the door she is gone. The lovely woman I have just seen on the cover of a book and walking naked down the street is just gone. I want to go back to my hotel. I want to leave wherever it is that I am and go back to wherever it is that life makes sense.

The problem is that after I walked out the door of the empty café everything changed. The surety that all is right with the world is well and good gone. The feeling that I need to find the woman, however, is almost a panic in its strength. As I turn to walk back into the bar I see that it is now full, just as it should be on a sunny mid morning in Paris.

Walking back up to the bar to order another coffee fishing another smoke out of my pocket. The man to my right offers a light. Accepting the light, then turning my head to the left, to blow the smoke politely away, I see an older woman reading a book. The picture on the cover is of the woman I have just seen walking naked down the street. Only in the picture, she is wearing a red dress looking over her shoulder, it is her though, no mistake. I cannot help myself I have to speak to the woman reading this book. As I approach the woman with the book I have just seen on the table, with the picture of the woman I have just seen walking naked on the other side of the street, I break out into a sweat all over my body. The kind of sweat you get when you have a one-hundred-fifteen-degree fever. My feet were wet. I am standing in front of this woman reading some cheap romance novel and yet I cannot help myself. I manage to squawk, “Who is that?” The woman who is “French-ly” perturbed by this interruption in her reading on this fine morning promptly replies with the name of the author. Information that I do not care about and the only information that I can plainly see for myself. For my part I am now annoyed.

I have just come to realize that I am in a bar in Paris. I have just found a room full of people in place of a naked woman across the street. So, at this point I let her know what perturbed actually is. This woman thinking that she had dealt with me tried to return to her reading just as I placed my hand in the middle of her page and asked, as politely as I could with my painted on smile, if I might see the book for a moment. Without waiting for a response I took the book from her hand and tried to find out if I could discover anything about the woman on the cover. As I expected, she was shocked by my action and I had a moment to look before she could react. All I discovered was that this was as cheap a romance novel as a romance novel can come. This was probably the same picture on a thousand covers and no one cared. No one, that is, except me.

Before she could muster a complaint that would draw any attention I had already taken all the information I could and gave her back the book, with the same smile, thanking her. This was just as surprising to her as the fact that I had taken the book from her in the first place. She just sat there as I walked away. I went back to the bar and found another coffee waiting for me. It sat in the exact same spot as the one before. This one I drank slower.

So as we are all connected this must mean that we are all crazy. That is the best thing that I can figure. Now on top of that I find that I am obsessed with this girl.

How do I find her? I suppose the same way I do everything. Money. (I did get one thing right once. I’ll tell you about that later but you’re really going to hate me when I do. For now we go back to the premiss that we are all crazy and connected leaving it at that). When I get back to my room at the Plaza and look out over this beautiful city through the big open windows covered in silky gauze, I call my attorney. What the fuck do I care what time it is in NY. Hell I don’t even know what time it is here. That done, there is really nothing left for me to do on this fine day except wait for him to call back with all the information that I asked him to get for me. Let him deal with finding her. I just want to see her again.

I turn around when I hear the bathroom door open.

Forgot about her completely. No idea who she is anyway. All I know now is that I am as horny as I have ever been.It is only a quick call down to get them to bring up some food. Poor girl must be starving, standing there naked you can see how skinny she is, not that it is a problem but, she should eat. As for me I just need a drink and a fuck.

Needs fully met and whoever that was now out of my way, I found I was depressed. It always happens this way. It’s the ones that have it all that feel the worst. Those that to have to struggle for things don't have time for this sort of depressive shit. Now, I wait for a guy on retainer to do whatever I ask to get back to me. Was any of that actually real? Is any of this? How are we supposed to be able to tell the difference? Have you had those dreams that make you feel a certain way even after you wake up? You feel so bad about the dream, it effects everything you do that day. So which one is the place where you actually exist? Maybe I live in an empty world with a ghostly figure of a naked woman walking around. Maybe the Plaza is a dirty little place with half broken yellowed shades covering the window. Both seem likely to me. Thus the depression, the confusion, the heartbreaking longing to have some idea what I should do.

There are three moments that I am sure are real in every reality inside my mind, or out. Those are as follows; The moment of climax. It feels the same in every dream even the ones that I think I am living. The second, flying. The third, and this one happens a lot, death. My memories do not follow a linear path. Everything is mixed up. I have felt my death a thousand times yet here I still sit with my wilted cock waiting for a phone call. Go figure.

So the first and third both leave you with that same sense of loss. The impending doom of all things. The second one is just freedom. Freedom smashed up in a sandwich of dread.

Now since I have been here many times before, I get my shit together and go out for a walk.

Out on the street I hail a handsome and have him take me to the boise de Bolonge. My cell is still in my pocket but the streets are all cobbles. There is no doubt in my mind that one of those aforementioned things is about to happen. The street lights were being lit, it is the city of lights after all.

Now you’re thinking this is very strange. I am thinking, it’s probably Tuesday. This sort of thing almost never happens on a Monday.

What is happening? Well, that I am never quite sure of, to be honest, it might be some sort of really vivid hallucination brought upon me by some sort of crazy new drug that someone discovered. All I know for sure is that it happens. It is as real as anything else I go through in this life, as real as that guy in New York I called earlier.Don’t get me wrong when I was a kid it used to really freak me out, but now, it just feels like life. It has always been hard to explain so I just stopped trying. It’s better to just go with it, wherever you are, and see where it takes you. I have found some really interesting stuff this way. Had or didn’t have my first orgy this way, sort of depends on how you want to look at it. Either it was real or all in my head but as far as I can tell it happened. That is what counts right?

I often wonder about the connectedness of us all. You know if this stuff happens to me does that mean it happens to lots of people? Do you have to be really in tune with the world to notice it? Or does it make you an insane person.

After I got the call from the attorney’s assistant in NY, I stepped out of the car. This is such a pretty place to have a glass of wine and watch people ride their horses. Turns out that the girl on the cover lives in L.A., that naked streetwalker of this morning. So I had them get the jet ready for the long slog out to the land of Angels. I told you I had the feeling that the second was about to happen.

So looking around the address in L.A. that I have for the naked wonderer, I have the distinct feeling that she does not live alone. No, she is not some old house wife now, more like she is living in a commune of some sort. Its like Melrose place but on a different street and without the money. It crosses my mind that I might just be in luck, and she is a whore. That would be easy enough. Speak to the pimp, take as much time as I need with her. You never know, perhaps, I am the person on whom that stupid pretty woman film was based. Could be. It just depends on how solid you think this life is.

Snooping around is not my thing. I just have the driver wait, unfortunately I got drunk and passed out. Shit happens.

On the second day I spotted her, was a shame she had some clothes on, but at least it was not much. It was around 9pm. She and three girl friends were about to pile into a convertible mustang. I am guessing that it is now Thursday night. What is there left for me to do but step out of the car and talk to her. Then I notice that I pissed myself when I passed out so, maybe not the best move. I just tell the driver to follow the car. I call New York. So someone will bring me a fresh pair of jeans from my house and a suit, you never can tell where scantily clad ladies in L.A. might be going.

Turns out that they were heading to Malibu. How cool is that! When they turned into the drive I noticed that it was in fact my house. So I had unknowingly just busted my house guy! Quelle chance! This should be fun.

He was blocking the drive with my car as he was supposed to be bringing me some clothes. He tells them that they are all idiots that he texted the whole group! What the fuck were they doing? I laugh, then I realize that I am out of vodka. So out the car I go, piss pants and all.

“George, ladies. Don’t you think it would be better if we all just continued this talk inside”?

Then I simply walked into my house, at least I a am pretty sure its my house. I know where the bar is. After filling my glass and dropping my pants I scamper into the outdoor shower, just getting the worst off. George and the ladies, (using that term loosely), find me bare ass naked.

"About those clothes George, just bring me some shorts and a t-shirt and let’s get the party started. I would love to see what you had planned. Helen, can you get his phone and text everyone that he disinvited and re-invite them for me?"

As you can imagine everyone is a bit confused at this point. So everyone just does what I say. It is strange how that happens. Why did she not at least stop to wonder why I knew her name? I would have had I been in her place.

Well, the universal cure for an uncomfortable situation is of course cocaine. Just so happened that I know there is a stack of the shit in the false bottom of desk drawer. As George has not returned with my clothes yet, I walk out naked and get the stuff. After a very healthy bump for me, I walk over and through it on the table. It is only the “ladies” and George’s phone. Hmmmm. Where is that George? I am still naked, swinging around with a pile of coke.

“Help yourselves please, I assume you know what you’re doing. I’ll be right back”.

What am I going to do with that George? Oh wait I know! A quick text to New York and he is fired and cannot even come within five hundred feet of the property. I love this country.

Now with a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt, and a good amount of wake up powder in the nose I am ready to meet Helen for real.

"So, Helen, who are your friends?"

Her response of course is,

"Who the hell are you?"

To which I respond, "The owner of this fine place but let’s not be rude. Once we are all acquainted we can get into the particulars."

They had quite a few lines laid out so I took the liberty of one or maybe two of them. Shook hands with her and her, then turned my attentions back to the object of my quest.

For some reason I wanted a coffee?

"So Helen, what is your story? No, I really want to know! You have no idea how long I have looked for you!"

You don’t either, whoever your are reading this, we will get to that. Don’t go getting all cocky. This is just the only way I know how to start.

“sniffffffffffff, well you want the long version or the short”?

Direct and to the point, I like that. I don’t like that she has still not realized that I have known her name all along nor do I like that she is not naked.

“As you wish, as far as I can tell I have nothing but time”.

“The short one then, as you need to tell me your story before I either O.D. or leave”.

"Fair enough I guess, but of the two of us, I think, I would hit my limit first."

You should see the rails she is running!

“I’m from the Valley. I go to USC, math major. I am a Junior. I plan on getting my doctorate in theoretical physics”.


“You just do the novel cover modeling thing for fun I guess”?

“No I do it for money. At least I am not naked for all the world to see! Fuck, that is how most my friends pay for school. Not that there is anything wrong with that”.


“Is that what they do?

“Among other things, girls got to make her way in this world.“

They of course took a bit of offense to being called they. But as I refused to acknowledge them and they were doing piles of free coke, they let it go.

“So what else do you do? I mean aside from working on your future career as an astrophysicist or whatever”?

“Nope now its your turn. What do you do? Where did you come from?”

Well as I am not really sure how to answer that, even to myself, what the hell should I say to her?

“Helen, why do you care? What difference does it make? I’m here. This is my house. I am just a man, albeit one of infinitely good, bad intentions. Just relax have another line, I’ll make some drinks, roll a joint and you can tell me all about yourself”.

“As soon as you tell me how you knew my name”.

Yes, she did catch that, took her a while, but at least she is not a complete idiot, unlike her friends that have not been able to unlock George’s phone to get the party started, but are still all chattering about it, punching in numbers like apes with a computer, it would have been more amusing if it was not so sad.

“Well, we will get to that but I can do you one better. I can tell you about the mole on the bottom of you bottom. Or the new tattoo you seem to have gotten sometime in the last few months, the little dragon curled up in the place where your pubic hair would be if you had any. That is if you want to know about those things. And before you say it, I have not had you followed it is just that somehow you have been following me and this is the first time we have met! It is also the first time I have seen you attired. Every other time you haunt me you do so completely au natural. It’s a good look for you”.

“Lets take some of this stuff and go for a walk on the beach. I love the beach out here, we must have spent more time here than you have. There is a perfect spot for us just around these little rocks where we can watch the moon on the water. Bring the blankets and maybe we will moon bathe”.

Not what I was expecting her to say but, who am I to complain. So we left the monkeys that had finally figured out that there was still a party to be had calling and texting and whatever else-ing everyone they knew. Fine with me.So long as I actually get to figure out what in the hell this Helen has to do with me, other than inflame my mind and desire to a point of almost stupidity.

“Sounds good to me, have not had a good moon bath in ages”.

“I do it all the time”

It is interesting, that she did not even question anything. Obviously, she is not pulsed by my observations. This in an of itself is something that would cause concern in normal situations. Though who is to say what is normal? Me?I don’t think so. So out the door we go with a baggie, a bag full of towels along with all the things needed for a few joints. We opted for hash after a brief look exchange in which all was understood. (Hash goes better with blow, just like white wine with fish).

Once secluded on the spot just around the bend of an outcropping of rocks, it is a little alcove really. I think the guy that lives at the top is named Tom, but I cannot be sure. Does not matter in any case at least not right now. We lay out our blankets and she does the thing I was hoping. She removes all of the tacky clothing so she can moon bath in the buff. There is nothing else to do but go with the tenor of the moment. Quick as a flash we are buff bathing in the moonlight looking out over the great wide Pacific ocean. She soon rolls over to start the makings for a joint. I, in turn, procure the bag from the pocket of my shorts. She takes the bump I offer without looking up from her job. So intent is my little Helen. Waves are crashing but the silence is painful. Typical cocky me, I start chattering away.

The first time I saw you was in India, or present day Pakistan.

I think; it was just after Alexander came to conquer that part of the world. We were in Kind Porus’s capital. I, was some sort of advisor or apprentice to a jeweler.

The whole world was waiting on news of what was to happen now. There was such tension in the air. I was on a rooftop, looking out over the city to the camps of the armies.

Then, you where there, walking along in a garden having come out of the bath. Naked as you are now. All my thoughts of what was to come or what might be vanished. The only thing that mattered was you. It was also the most wonderful sight ever beheld by man. I wanted to call out to you from my rooftop vantage point but, I was called to from behind. I turned to answer my summoner then turned back to you, but you were gone.

That life was very interesting. From that moment on, there was the blessing of the gods upon me. Alexander, of course, had won the battle and was brought in to the city by our king. My master made the mistake of trying to cheat Hephastion. Hephastion had ordered a belt for Alexander of gold covered with big red rubies. My master thinking that these fools would not be able to tell the difference placed red firedems in place of many of the rubies.Sapphire I think is what we would call them. Hephastion, not being a fool had him executed. When I went to retrieve the head of my master, Hephastion stopped me. After a brief exchange he discovered that I could replace the gems and so my time as a royal jeweler started. I discovered that you had been given at a banquet to Seleucus, one of Alexanders officers. So I found a way to make you my wife, but unfortunately was then entangled with the army of Alexander and required to travel with the Greeks. It was quite a choice job actually, until we were crossing the Gadrosa desert. I had never been so happy to be back in my bed in New York.

Fall asleep in the desert with visions of you in my eyes, wake up and go down to Sullivan St. to have a wonderful cappuccino.

“Give me another bump would you”?

Helen was full of surprises. Or maybe she had dropped something I was not aware of before she came here and she is just strung out. Who the hell can know?

“Another bump for you, how is that J coming along starting to get a little jumpy”.

“Try the ocean, you could use a little freshening up. It’s very refreshing and should take that edge off while I get the perfect ‘share all‘ joint ready. Seems like we have a lot to discuss”.

She could not be more right about that. At least I needed to hear a lot about what or who this chick was or is or whatever. Really, it has been haunting me since before Christ for christ’s sakes!

“You’re right, that was refreshing. And very cold. I am normally not like this if you noticed before the ocean things were a little better down there. So you got that joint ready? Why don’t you sit on my lap and we share that thing, warm up and you tell me all your hopes and dreams”.

“That sounds great but, the hopes and dreams will have to wait. While you were in the water a few questions came to mind. You need to help me understand a few things about these, “sightings” of me that have put you in such a state.”

Sightings that have put me in such a state? Yeah, that is one way of putting it I suppose. The surreality of this situation is not lost on me. No matter what you have been through in your life or lives or whatever, you must realize that sitting naked, while high on a beach in the moonlight with a woman that you have chased for either a few decades or many centuries is on the strange side.

“Ah so you noticed that it is a bit strange? Thought that it had slipped your notice. How can I help you? What questions can I answer for you?”

“How old were you when you first saw me? How old were you when you first noticed that these slips were happening? Have I always been naked?”


Well, before we get to the end of all this, I think we need to discover a bit about this Helen, don’t you? Just like Sura, and Lily and the countless others, I was indeed inside of this mystical creature. Why mystical? Just a fancy I suppose, but as it is with her that we see our story now come to its conclusion, and I resume my usual place of everywhere, I think it fit. Shall we?

Let’s see what are some things I might tell you that can help you know her. Helen, was brilliant. That is the first and foremost thing she would want you to know about her. It was not the most apparent thing upon first meeting her, she was often viewed as being shy and aloof, stuck up even. Though she was none of those things merely smart enough to stay quiet when saying something seemed frivolous. She was also not frivolous!

I know the way you met her in Adam’s journal you might not think this but believe me it is not the case, and I should know!

Helen was also given the great curse of beauty. She was always looked at so critically since she always stood out in a crowd even though she tried not to. That is how it came to be that she was living with the group of ladies that she was when Adam found her. She felt that she could blend in with them and not attract so much unwanted attention. Staying quiet was not a problem with these other very excitable ladies always willing to be chattering away. Also, she is rather private normally. Not with her physical body but with the more important aspects of her life. She of course was not going to tell some strange man in Malibu, where she is really from and what she really does. Especially not one that behaves as odd as this one. I will tell you though. She was from Utah and was raised in an orphanage there. Her birth parents are unknown to her, and since I am unable to tell her, it seems rude of me to tell you. What I can tell you about them is that Jason was involved in their lives ever so slightly but enough to make her course set.

Jason had been a very busy boy!

Helen, was actually a postdoc at CalTech. The orphanage had her tested when she was seven due to her lack of interest in any school related activities. It was a nice place with caring people, one would have thought that such a lovely young girl would have been adopted but there was always some issue that would come up anytime anyone was interested. Do you have any guess why that might be? Suffice it to say, she was not going to be adopted, it was not something that seemed to bother her in the least. It was discovered during her testing that far from being, “a bit slow”, as the teachers had thought. Helen was off the charts, so instead of going to remedial learning center she was to be individually instructed by a priest. It truly is a miracle that a scientific minded priest was given this responsibility, not, it was just Jason again. She had surpassed her instructor in a few years and at 11 years of age she obtained her GED. Still being a minor and at the orphanage, she started online instruction with a scholarship from BYU collecting several degrees, computer science, physics, psychology, and history among them. She was emancipated at 16 and moved in to Cal Tech to work on her other degrees.

I suppose Helen was also cursed with her extreme intelligence, that came with it the curiosity that only those capable of understanding the complete problem possess. She was trying to solve for life. This brought her to trying to understand the beginning of life and of time.

I do wish I could have explained some of these things to her, it would have saved so much effort.

Once she had gained all the available knowledge of these subjects, she turned again to computers. She began working with the idea of super intelligent machines integrated with the power of quantum computing processing, the goal of course was to create life and in so doing be able to understand how life as she was able to understand it came into being. So clever! She was at a bit of a sticky point when she decided to go with her roommates to Malibu, she had been going with them quite often lately. The poor thing trapped in her curse of genius, was desperately trying to find a way out. She found many of the drugs that were available able to take her mind off of the problems and others that she believed helped her to see them from new angles. There is, of course, always this knife edge that genius and madness stand upon, too much of either makes one fall off into the incoherent abyss.

And so it is we find dear Helen, dancing along the rails between drugs and madness and genius. Pondering, to the typical person, the imponderable of the quantum essence moving through time bathing naked in the moon light with Adam waiting for him to answer her questions.


Laughing Adam sat down beside Helen. She lit the joint taking her two puffs before passing it in the time honored tradition.

“You exactly as you are now? When did I see you? I guess just a couple days ago. I don’t know exactly. I was in Paris, so, however long it took me to get here.” Adam asked and answered around a lung full of smoke. “Yeah, you were naked then too.”

He took another long drag before passing back to Helen and exhaled this time before continuing to speak.

“I guess I was around six when I first started, slipping as you put it. I don’t remember it happening before then in any case. I actually don’t remember anything much before then come to think of it. That was around the time that my life got flipped upside down. I lost my parents and my “uncle” in a plane crash. Don’t feel too bad for me, you can stop looking at me like that! I was well taken care of living with my aunt that was paid handsomely by the company that my parents and “uncle” had created. It was a very successful company with many bio-tech inventions that were in contract with governments or patents sold to big business. It was when they were flying back from a huge meeting in Washington D.C. that the accident happened.

Anyway, I pretty much had the best of everything or should have. My aunt made me struggle and work to earn every little thing from the time I was nine until I turned eighteen. She always maintained that was on the advice of one of the psychologist. I was always required to see them for evaluation because of the breaks with reality I was having brought upon by the loss.”

Helen relit the joint took a drag and passed it to Adam before going for a quick refreshing dip in the ocean. When she returned and half dried herself she resumed her position and took the joint back from him, rolling her hand in a, ‘please continue i’m listing so get on with it’ sort of way.

Adam, smiled and leaned back so Helen could not help but notice the state her presence and attire had put him in before continuing after making sure that her eyes had focused where he intended. He closed his eyes then and moved on with the answers to her questions.

“So I think that answers your second and third questions and may seem like it answers your first question as well but, mine is a bit of a stranger tale than that.”

Adam opened one eye to check on his listener who had taken another puff of the joint and scooted a bit closer to him with her focus still intently where he wanted it.

If you are wondering what is going through Helen’s head at this time, allow me to discreetly fill you in on the goings on in there. She was of three minds at that moment, and unsure which one she was going to follow. There was the part of her that was incredibly, almost uncontrollably incomprehensibly attracted to this strange man Adam whom she barely knew. Then there was the part of her that was toying with the ramifications of the story she had heard from him so far in its relation to her work and finally that part of her that was on drugs and new it and trusted very little of what the other two parts of her were telling her in any case as she struggled to maintain focus on the information issuing from his mouth as well as the other point of focus protruding from his groin. Helen does have a very quick and busy mind normally but this sexual focus is unusual if not unprecedented.

It is so exciting! I just keep waiting for Jason to step in and do something. While we wait I suppose we should follow Helen’s lead, enjoy the breeze, the moon light, and attempt to pay attention to what Adam has to say. I feel like I’ve mentioned this before but it bares repeating I am not used to having to listen to what people say in order to know what they have said. I was not aware that I was not already in everyone until this strange venture with Jason started. Please don’t misunderstand, I am not complaining merely curious, and much as you must be, looking forward to see how this might play out.

Adam took a swig from the bottle to wet his throat before he continued eyes still closed leaning back on the beach in the moonlight.

“These “slips” I have are not small things. Sometimes I live out entire lifetimes before coming back into this body and this time. There seems to be a thread though that connects me to this energy of you. It is hard to explain but anytime I am in a life where you or the energy of you is there, I have to be with you. I feel compelled. It’s overwhelming. You are not part of every “slip” for me but the ones you are, it does not matter if I came into the life in ancient India or Australia or Italy or Paris, I see you. You are always naked the moment I first see you. You might look totally different but there is this sameness about you that is hard to explain. I know that I must find a way to be with you, that is something certain.”

Helen looked up to his face before moving closer and kissing him. I don’t think we need to go into any more detail about what happened next! Their intimate moment is of course important and was very necessary for them to connect fully, but we can skip the play by play for decencies sake, don’t you agree?

When the peaceful breathing returned to the moon bathing time, Adam and Helen were both staring out to see. It was Helen who broke the silence.

“Adam” she whispered. “What it is like when you are thinking to yourself? Not when you are talking to someone or doing something but in quiet moments like these. ”

“There really never are quiet moments like these for me.” He replied giving her a little kiss on the head that was laying so peacefully upon his chest.

“Can you describe it for me please. What it feels like to think. Not the slipping but the thinking part?” She quietly asked again.

“I guess. I’ve just been about as inside you as one can get, least I can do is try to let you inside my head a little bit.”

Helen raised up a bit to look at at him.

“Sorry, I say stupid shit when I a get uncomfortable. I don’t really know where to start to answer your question though. My living many lives and returning to this one or the slips as you call them cannot be taken out of the equation. Sometimes I don’t slip into another life but just sort of blend through time. Certain things are the same as in this time but other things have changed drastically. Like when I was in Paris not long after I saw you walking naked down the street, in what was a sort of slip, I was still me but everything else was different. Then I saw you again on the book cover this time fully as myself but it was still strange because there was a coffee that I had not ordered sitting on the bar. Then another little slip while I waited for my attorney to get back in touch with me, after I gave him the task of finding you from the information I got off that ladies book cover. He is a resourceful fellow and should be for the price. Anyway, I was getting into a cab and another slip happened, it was no longer a taxi of our time but one from the mid 1800’s I would guess.

These things happen often to me, both in this life as well as others that I’ve lived. I could write so many memoirs of the other lives that I’ve lived, I mean the ones that went more or less from point A to what it is like to say goodbye to your partner on your deathbed of point B. Hell, I could fill volumes just of the lives in which I lived and died in wars! Then there are the little slips that occur, usually, before or after a big event. Trouble is not knowing if it was before or after the big event until much later often by the time I am no longer even sure if any of it actually happened or if it was all in my head.”

“I have a theory that you cannot and never have been able to explain what your thinking process is like.” Helen told him as she stood grabbing some things and preparing to leave.

“My therapists have always said I was ‘Withholding’ in a very disappointed tone when they asked me that question about what my thinking process is like. Some even refused to continue working with me. Are you a psychiatrist now as well?”

“Just a physicist working on the nature of consciousness as it functions in correlation with dimensional transitioning. Come on Adam, we have to go, I think it’s about time.” she said, as if anyone residing outside of her mind could possibly understand what she was saying, before she added. “I am finally going to do what I have done and you my dear Adam are the key.”


Helen and Adam awoke at almost noon in a hotel not far from her lab and office at the university. It was obviously not possible to stay in his house as neither of them had the energy to try to stop the party that was in full swing when they left their moon bathing retreat on the beach.

Helen reached for the phone and ordered up a brunch fit for royalty and Adam filled the built for 4 bathtub. Adam had opened a bottle of beer and offered one to Helen who refused, merely shaking her head. She then started through her yoga routine on the carpet with the sun shining in on her through the balcony doors. When the food arrived it was left to Adam to go and retrieve it, stepping out of the half full bath with his half full beer, wrapping a towel around his waist.

He pulled the cart into the room with one hand. Signed the bill and tossed a 100$ bill as a tip with the other. He then dragged the whole thing over to the edge of the giant bath. Dropping the towel he slid back in the rising water of the enormous bath wincing as he sipped his beer.

I can tell you that this is one time that I am sure it is a good thing not to be inside of someones head. I left Adam with his pain in his head and his pleasure showing on his face as he watched Helen complete her yoga routine before sitting cross legged on the floor still in the sun to meditate. It’s always such a pleasure for me to watch the thought of those attempting to meditate! Oh the thoughts that I have seen as people have worked so hard not to have any thoughts.

I once sat with a guru famous for his long meditation sessions without moving, he always starts, er, started the same way, (forgive me when I slip up with the timing of things, it is not something as you know that I generally concern myself with and I am doing purely for your benefit and clarity, thank you). He would sit and think about sex, then food, then try to focus on his breathing, then he would focus on his heart beat, before moving up to feel himself swallow, then he would think about how is skull connected to his spine before rolling his eyes back in his head and ending trying to envision himself from above himself. This was strange, I thought but it seemed to keep his mind focused for a while, then the parade started of all the things he would like to do, places to go, food to eat.He worked so hard to keep these random thoughts out of his mind to only notice himself from outside of himself.Imagine how funny I found this as The Observer of everything! It really only go worse from there normally ending with his mind focused only on the fact that he really needed to pee. I had been present at times when he had been giving out mantras to students, it was a marvel to me that all those mantras were so wise and melodic while his true personal mantra was, “I really need to pee, but it hasn’t been long enough”.

It does of course work for some people in different ways, over all it is as fascinating a practice as mortal things can be. Also, as most mortal things tend to be, it is humorous.

Slipping into Helen’s mind at that point in time, it was as comforting as Adam’s warm bath. When someone has been able to master meditation it is a marvelous thing to experience. It is not unlike drugs in many ways, but in many ways it is very different, especially the after effects. Her body after all of the activities and sweating from the night before was still tossing off the lingering drug effects. The yoga had helped to push it out of her as she breathed and contorted her body, wringing toxins out like dirty dish water from a sponge. Her mind it seems needed far less effort to return to a feeling of normalcy not that the meditative state is exactly normal but, well, its not abnormal either. Her mind felt so smooth, for lack of a better word. If I am like the river that cannot be stepped in twice at the same point, her mind is like that stone at the bottom of the river polished and smoothed to perfection. Not one thought of having to pee entered her consciousness even though her bladder was very full from all the water she had been drinking to flush herself clean. I am not sure if I actually sleep, but I must have dosed in Helens mind as I was jolted out of this peaceful haze by detailed list of “to-do’s” and the plan of attack that popped into her mind as she walked to the toilet.

I think it is easier when they speak to each other to simply repeat to you the conversation instead of giving it to you in my own words. I’ve never tried to communicate this way before so I am just winging it. hahaha Such a great expression.

Don’t worry I won’t make you listen to every single thing they say! We can still just skip to the important bits and I can of course just fill you in on the parts that might remain unclear without at least a little explanation. You know that I am just here looking for an explanation myself to the great question. Where is Jason?

He was so busy bringing Helen to this point, interacting with things that touched her life almost forcing her to this exact point just as she is now. So, why doesn’t he want to be around to see his handiwork? Where does he go when I cannot see him? Still so many delicious questions to feast upon. If only there were just a simple way for me to keep tabs on him instead of just waiting around those he obviously has some interest in the hopes of crossing his path. I like Helen in any case. The Jury is still out for me on Adam, how do you tell if you like someone when you cannot know everything that they have ever done or all the possibilities of all the things they might do? I’ve said it before and I will say it again. It is admirable the way you all just muddle along.

Okay, okay, back to the stars of our show.

Our dear Helen after having taken care of her necessity has made her way to the breakfast cart. She picks a health assortment of fruit, nuts, smoked salmon, half a bagel with sprouts and glass of green smoothie and the whole pot of green tea carefully setting them all within reach of where her position will be opposite Adam in the tub. Adam for his part has not yet touched the food and only managed half his beer wincing after each swallow as if it was some sort of foul medicine.

“You should just switch to coffee, that beer looks painful”, Helen tells her erstwhile lover across the tub as she sips her green smoothie.

“I know, but beer first or the headache will never go away. I have been dispatching hangovers forever”.

“Hmmm.” is her only reply to that thought before adding in a very matter of fact tone.

"We have to go to my lab. I need to take a few brain scan readings from you to confirm my suspicions.”


Helen’s lab at Cal Tech was a large shared work space. Her back corner position in this space was prized by all as it afforded a small bit of privacy for ones research. The two entered and seeing a small section glowing left the light off out of respect. Holding hands they continued through the maze to her space where she pushed him into a seat and put a type of helmet on Adam’s head. The underside of the helmet had numerous small metal nipples that attached to springs and wires that allowed it to gather electrical information from the brain.

“I will need to ask you some basic questions about your past all of which will be things you should have no problems answering, either from personal memories or from hearing the stories you have been told and have learned is your past but you don’t actually recall it. Do you understand?” Helen said as she configured the computer while continuing to configure the EKG and the spectral encephalography equipment.

“No problem, does it hurt?” is all Adam had to say but was ignored by Helen who was in full work mode.

“You said you were very wealthy but you do not run a company or have any responsibilities how did this come about? Just explain to me only the financial portion of your life with as little emotional attachment as possible.”

“So it does hurt, you go straight to the deepest darkest secret. Why do you want to learn why you will hate me at the beginning? Why not wait for that until after we have known each other long enough to get tired of the amazing sex? Oh, wait, was it not that good for you? It seemed good for you..”

Helen interrupted him with a kiss telling him as the kiss broke, “I love you, don’t be silly. The sex is amazing and I look forward to more of it. That will have to wait though and there is nothing that you can say to me about your past that will make me think less of you at this moment. It is my need to understand these things and only you that can fulfill this need for me. You will have to answer some questions so that I can map your brain and see if my suspicions are correct. I will tell you now what I think I know and if I am correct you can just go on answering my questions. Deal?”

Adam nodded still a little taken aback by being kissed so sweetly by one that moments before was so serious, not to mention the “I love you”, tossed in like nothing.

“You are associated with a company called Non-linear, either that was the company of your parents or it was yours. Is that true?” she asked as she looked not at Adam but into the depths of the pixels on her screen.

“When I came of age, I sold the company along with all of the intellectual property rights to the United States of America. That is my deepest darkest secret. People could somehow come to grips with my being crazy and slipping in and out of time, but selling the company was just not acceptable. I never spoke to anyone that was in my life growing up after that again. Some of them went so far as to put it in their wills that I was not to be allowed at their funeral. That funereal provision might not seem like much but soon after I sold the company the former employees started to die. They did not all die over night or anything, it took some years, but they are all gone now. It’s just me and my 18 billion or 30 pieces of silver as it were.”

Adam had spoken all of this with his eyes cast down, hands laying on his lap unclasped. Raising his eyes to look over at Helen through the wires attached to the device on his skull, he looked for all the world like a puppy that had peed on the rug. You can imaging his surprise when he saw a smiling Helen staring at the computer.

“That’s very good.” she said never moving her eyes from the computer, before asking her next question. “So the slips? What happens to your body here when you slip?”

“Did you actually listen to a word I said or you only care about what is on the screen?” Adam asked in reply

“I was already pretty sure of your story Adam, I just needed you to give me a baseline of your brain wave patterns. So just keep answering my questions it will just be a few more I think before we can move on to the deprivation chamber and the final test I am sure you are going to enjoy. That magic mushroom ride! You think you can just stick with me and not seem so hurt every time I ask you something? I already told you I don’t care about anything except this you right in front of me right now.”

“As you wish.” he said with a small smile. “The slips come in different types. Sometimes I just fall asleep and wake up someplace, sometime in someones head. Sometimes I am awake and going about my day or night or whatever when things start to act funny. Street lights are not street lights anymore that sort of shit. I was once on a bridge that not longer existed while I was riding in a cab. I drowned in that river, not my favorite way to die.”

“And where were you when you came back? What happens when you die?”

“Oh, nothing much. That time in the cab I came back at the pool at Soho house in New York. I was just lying on a lounger in the sun, no big deal. They make great bloody mary’s there and sure enough there was a fresh one on the table next to me. I stayed in New York for the next 4 or 5 days I think before coming back West.”

“You have bigger slips where you live large portions of a different life also, right?” Helen asks excitedly

“Yes. Those are the most common.”

“And what happens to your body here when you are living other lives somewhere else?”

“That depends, sometimes I wake back up in the bed where I fell asleep and it’s like it was just a dream. It’s next morning but now I can taste the goat that I had for dinner and smell the fire it was cooked over. I came back one time and had a math test but no idea what numbers even where let alone how to use them. It was played off as just some bit of rebelliousness but it was real. It was always real. I even had a big slip while having dinner with my Aunt. She was talking and I grew up, killed a wild pig, became a man, had children and died at the hand of my son to ease my pain in passing. Then my Aunt was getting up from the table, mumbling about how impossible I could be. I was so happy she left because I sat there and cried. I missed my son. It was like he had died not I.”

“Excellent.” Helen said before moving over to remove all the suction pads and the apparatus on his head. “Let’s get you in that deprivation chamber shall we?”

Grabbing Adams hand they left the lab and walked over to the psychology labs. Helen explained to Adam on the way that with the baseline brainwave map she had created earlier she would be able to get a reasonably high resolution picture of his brain through the conductivity of the salt water in the chamber using a modified DOT scanning technique.

“It’s perfectly safe,” she said, “I volunteered to test it when we first got it in. It’s a wonderful bit of technology that may finally get some practical use that no one will ever know about. If we are lucky you will have another slip and I will be able to gather all the remaining information to complete the calculations. Though I doubt that will happen now that we are together.”

“If all it takes is us to be together for the slips to stop then I know why there is that compelling drive to be with you. You ever done ‘it’ inside the chamber?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, only one person can be inside if you are going to get any accurate readings. You do need to be naked though.” She said smiling and gesturing for him to disrobe.

Adam continued to try to get her to at least have a little fun but, Helen was buzzing and close to bursting with a different kind of joy.

She left him inside for an hour, in which time she let the computer relay all of the data back to her laptop in her lab for correlation with the previous readings. There were no spikes in the readings which she took to mean that no slips had occurred. There was a distinct pattern of amplitude that seemed to emerge, a sort of ‘W’ or ‘V’ shape made of two rectangles with periodic serges of high activity in the lower outside edge of the right block. One more test, but this one is of a purely physical observation no need for the lab.

So far so good she was thinking as they left lab to return to the hotel.


I have enjoyed staying in Helen’s mind most of the time as she comes to realizations of conclusions that have been hidden in plain sight. She is so happy! Flooded as she is with the oxytocin of love, all the love making and doubling it up with the excitement of arriving at the culmination of her endeavors all wrapped in the same package. The hormonally released drugs in her brain are a heady mixture. (Excuse the pun, I just couldn’t help myself). I do wish that I could see what is going on with Adam. Also, where is my dear Jason? Will ever show up.

As I mill around in the thoughts of Helen, it is clear that this will a be a momentous occasion and one that it seems most probable that Jason has been orchestrating in his unique way. Why would he go through all the trouble to make sure that Adam follow an exact path throughout history that leads him to this exact point and not show up for the party? Has he lost interest? Is his job here complete and he has moved on entirely? Oh, Jason, dear Jason, won’t you please come and sit with me to watch the show you have directed?

There is nothing I can do but continue to watch along. Jason will either show up or he won’t. I am now like all of you with nothing to do but stare at the phone and hope it rings.

Helen has just gotten back in the car after a quick stop at a “pharmacy”, to procure the required fungi for the next experiment. Adam of course offered to have his guy get it delivered but Helen insisted as she had taken these before and could vouch for them. Adam wanted to go back to his place but Helen wanted to remain closer to the lab so they retired back to the hotel to prepare for the evening. Helen was hungry but Adam was not allowed to eat.

“The emptier you are the less likely that you will vomit and the more effective the drink,” Helen explained.

“I would hate for the rat to disrupt the experiment”. Adam chuckled

It did not take long for the Helen’s dinner and the hot water to arrive. Helen had already chopped and ground the mushrooms as much as possible when it did. While Adam took care of the necessary duties of signing the bill and tipping the man. Helen had already added the entire contents of the bag to the tea pot and set a timer on her phone and had wheeled the cart out to the balcony to eat as she waited for Adam to deal with he payment. She waited patiently not touching her food even though she was very hungry and Adam would not be eating with her. When Adam did join her he opened the bottle of mineral water and poured them each a glass before sitting down.

The funny thought of butterflies kept running through Helen’s mind as she waited. She was calming herself and not allowing the excitement she was feeling from these mental images of butterflies to effect her in any way. She noticed herself as she felt these feeling and had these thoughts. She observed her mind as it spoke to her listening portion while she stood back unfazed by her inner dialogue. It really is most impressive that she is able to do this, many try but so few are really able to achieve this level of detachment at will the way Helen has mastered. There are of course some notable exceptions many of whom have entire religions based upon them and their ideas of how to achieve this state of being. I have almost found it intrusive to my domain when I have observed those that are this proficient. It can feel as if they have become the observer but where does that leave me? Can we both be the observer? I comfort myself with the fact that they can only really observe themselves whereas I am.

When Helen stepped back into the drivers seat of her body and mind she uncovers the minestrone soup and began to eat.

“Enjoy”, Adam said as he watched her calmly spoon the wonderful smelling soup up to her lips. “When do I get my ‘dinner’? I’m have actually enjoyed my day of testing with you and I am sure that this will be my favorite of the day.”

“Have you ever taken psychedelics before?” She asked

“Most certainly but not in this body. You have to remember that I have lived many lives.


Adam did indeed take the concoction that was prepared for him by Helen’s loving hands in the body that he was born into this time. I do wish I could explain it better than he was able to do, but given that I am still not allowed inside Adam, the best I can do is from the viewpoint of Helen as Adam explained it to her. It might not make as much sense as we would like but it is all that can be explained within the confines of current language. (Please feel free to ask questions at the end if you need clarification. I am not sure that I will be able to answer but, I am interested in what you might have to say). Adam drank the tea as Helen finished eating. She then directed him to the yoga mat on the balcony and started him on his journey with a series of breathing exercises to relax his mind. Some time later as Helen continued to count out his breath Adam opened his eyes. “Why am I all alone?” he said. “I am here.” Helen replied as she took his hand. “Not that!” Adam screamed. “I know you are here now, there. Why am I alone in here!” “It’s okay Adam, it’s Helen and I love you.” she said. Adam looked over to Helen and had nothing but love in his eyes for her. “I love you”. He said matter of factly. “I always have, you would know that if you had been paying attention.” “How should I have paid attention?” Helen asked. “I don’t know, isn’t it obvious? It’s so obvious!” Adam screamed as he bolted upright from the mat. “The lives I have lived and all that I have done! The ones that are always with me have you in them. I have only ever been in love with you! I have made love to many women in my many lives b ut I have only ever loved you. Don’t you see?” Adam almost screamed at Helen.

Helen soothed him and gave him some water helping him to calm down and lay back on the mat.

I noticed that Helen was not concerned by this outburst. Helen was thinking only of Lorentz. Her mind was leading her to the the story of… “You are the butterfly! I had to touch you. I have always loved you and I had to touch you. I changed the world every time I did and I did not care. The only thing that mattered was you. I have searched for you throughout time. I have known you in every face I have ever loved. I have felt you in every desire I have ever had! Helen you are the part of me I am missing! I have finally found myself in you.” She sat calmly soothing Adam, looking into his eyes with perfect love that was full of understanding. Helen, you see, had an understanding of not only Lorentz and Chaos theory, but also of Nicolo Tesla and his crazy theory of 369 or what is more commonly known now as Vortex Math. Helen had always kept this hidden suspicion that Tesla and his theory of 369 was correct. It was the proof of this, that Adam was speaking of when placed together with the previous test, that allowed her to see the 3-6-9 pattern in his brain waves that gave her the conclusion that she had so long believed to be correct. It was at that moment of Helen’s realization that Jason appeared. He walked in looked directly at me and smiled. It was all I could do to keep from screaming, though as I have no physical form I doubt it would make a difference, still, I was shocked that Jason finally recognized me! Can you imagine, the object of your entire eternity finally smiles at you? Just think how I feel, just for a moment. A moment is all I got.


I hope you will forgive me, I am actually Adam or at lest a 3rd part of him. I could have told you that at the beginning, though you have to admit it would have ruined the suspense. I also wanted to tell the story as I seem to have experienced it not the way I now know it to be. It was in fact a mystery to me as well but now I can explain.

There is the physical part of Adam that you know. Then Jason and I are each a third respectively. We are the two aspects of Adam that he has been missing since the experiment that his parents created causing the Quantum consciousness split in his mind. It took until Helen discovered the truth to reunite us after piecing it all together from the scraps of redacted documents and her formidable intellect. You may recall that Adam was sure that you would hate him as in his words, “ I can fuck up paradise. Not only that, I can fuck it up for everyone”. He was not really responsible for what happened to him and you really cannot blame him for selling all the discoveries to the U.S. Government for a guaranteed contract of 1 billion dollars or equivalently monetary unit adjusted for inflation for the remainder of his life. He was a kid after all and one that had been forced to live a very different type of life. Have compassion for him/us, it has not actually influenced you in anyway that you have been aware of at least.

This is the point that I am having difficulty with, how deep do you want to look? Should you hear the very technical and detailed reports from Helen? Would you like a “simple” explanation of what happened/is happening? Do you want to know how it all ends or just just how Jason and I and Adam reverted to one?

I suppose, as I am the author of this tale now told, in a space of time too small for you to truly comprehend without letting go of trying to understand, that the decision comes down to me. Perhaps that is why I decided to write this in the first place. To be noticed finally. It has been difficult to always be but never be seen. Never acknowledged as existing at all even if I am in fact a third of each consciousness that has ever been since there has ever been anything. I am the 3. There are always 3. The part that makes this story unique is that a fourth was needed. We had been split apart and needed Helen to bring us together. Not just any Helen! Not that Helen of Troy or any of the other possibilities of Helen. We needed this Helen exactly. It was Jason’s mission to alter whatever needed to be altered in order to bring that about. A Jason roaming free had never happened before Adam’s parents. You could call that moment in your common sci-fi parlance a nexus event. It brought things together, even for me it altered things as Jason altered them pushing the unpushable into a straight line. Now we are reunited, but the cat is out of the bag about how to harness Quantum gravity to alter reality by changing consciousness. You can see why the government did not want this information out in the public sphere! Governments like the status quo, any upheaval often means a change in government. Things on the macro physical scale are so much easier to describe and understand, don’t you think? The Government was happy to pay whatever to Adam and leave the poor guy in a type of limbo they did not understand just to burry the reality of how reality actually works.

As Helen will go on to explain, and I am sure win many awards for doing so, Quantum gravity not only exists and has effect but it does so also on real and rational numbers and sizes. As I do in fact know all of you, I also know there is a limit to what you want to know about. I also know that there are many that want the nitty gritty details. You cannot please everybody and as the observer of everybody, I will attest to that fact. I will give a single sentence to to try appease those looking for the solution and only one sentence to keep from frustrating the rest. Ready?

Planck’s Constant reduction via the process of Vortex math. (I do so want to say more!)

Now back to our story. What happened after Jason saw me?

Helen unfolded all of the theories in the blink of eye or if truth be told in a state of zero time, just as Jason noticed me. She understood what had happened and how it could be reversed. She became the 10 to the power of 10123 possibility of existence as you know it to exist. She was the quantity that started the big bang, that set it all in motion. She was the only one in this existence that understood.

She soothed Adam as it all became clear to her. She listened to his story of what was happening to him in his state of altered consciousness.

“What do you see?” Helen asked him.

“I see me or me as I would like to see me. God, it is just the way I want you to see me and he is just appeared in the room!” Adam replied.

“What is this other you doing?”

“He seems to be smiling at someone else here that I cannot see… why can’t I see what he is seeing?”

“Don’t worry about that. I can help you with that. You, Adam, have given me the keys to be able to put it all together. I can put you back together. That other more perfect you is you and what he is smiling at is the observer of us all. The connections between the three of you have been pushed apart, but I can put them together if you want.

“Oh yes, Helen the only thing I want more than that is you.” Adam blurted out quickly.

“Lets finish the journey you are on now, I want you to remember every detail. It is important that you remember everything. This is like a dream but it is very real, we need the feeling as well as the detail of the memory. Do you understand?”

“I will never be able to forget my own face.”

“Or the feeling of seeing it. You must hold this feeling.”

“I never want to let this feeling go! I am whole, I have never been complete and now I am complete. Thank you.”

Adam then sobbed for some time. Jason went to him and put his hands through both Helen and Adam as he looked at me. I went to embrace him as he disappeared. Adam was at that point coming back to himself. Helen gave him some food but not the drink he was asking for, only water. Three of their days later Helen was ready at the lab. Reversing the experiment of Adam’s parents, she reunited Jason and Adam and myself. That my dear friends is where I will leave you. Whole again. Knowing now from whence I came but not yet where I will go. Jason and Adam and I.

The End.

41 views0 comments


bottom of page